TMN EXCLUSIVE: FIVE QUESTIONS WITH FEN PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE KALLISTO

1) Kallisto, thank you for agreeing to answer five questions with TMN today. First question: why have you chosen to affiliate yourself with the policies of Odesseus? You say you are a maverick, yet you are backed by a Puddlebean insider and longtime exile.

Odesseus is not an insider. He does almost everything outside, except you know, sleep and stuff. Have you ever been on a hunt with Odesseus, and everyone goes one way and he runs off in an entirely different direction? So totally maverick. Odesseus' policies are unprecedented, some may even say they are unobservable, but that's just because he's so amazin' at workin' behind the scenes, way WAY behind the scenes. No, further . . . little more. . . . there ya go! Odesseus is so cool, he's outta sight. Why *wouldn't* I wanna be just like him?

2) The Largocrats are off to an early start in this campaign season. Largo's return has clearly captured the attention of many voters. How do you respond to those exiles who think Largo already has this election in the bag, so to speak?

Well, that's the problem with us Fen, exiles always tryin' to put us in bags. Some sort of joke or something, they laugh their tooshies off when they let us out again. That Largo, Gaia bless him, he's out of touch with that the Fen Presidency is supposed to be about! First of all he's MUCH too visible, always in Town Center, shakin' hands and kissin' babies, yammerin' away about this project or that, talkin' about how he's gonna help everyone. Secondly, he's much too experienced for the job. The way I hear it, the most important qualifications of the Fen President are inexperience, incompetence, and and a desire to do as little as possible. As such, Largo is totally unqualified for such an important position. Lying down is a great position, standing is okay too, you know, if you're into that sort of thing, I prefer kneeling usually.

3) What do you think are the most important issues facing Puddleby today? The 700 billion coin bailout of the Alliance Castle and the crash of the exile financial system? The war against the Orga and their "weapon of mass destruction" known as the catapult? The destructive and annoying personal feud between Maeght and the Sheriff of Puddleby, Noivad? Planar warming? Darshak piracy?

I'm cute *and* fun!

I will say this: my good friend Maeght won't have to worry about that tyrant sheriff for much longer, if ya know what I mean. *wink*

4) Zo voters may decide this election. What will your administration do for the Zo?

I love the Zo. They're such great healers, and those great accents. If I'm elected I'll make sure they get plenty of fish and stuff, you betcha! Can they vote?

5) How do you get your news? What Web scrolls do you read?

Oh, you know, all of 'em any of 'em. You know what one I especially like? I like the Foxwier News Network. It's fair and balanced, unlike the Largocentric SNN. Thoomcare's good too, of course, though I'm thinkin' it's sometimes a little Largocraticly biased, but that's OK, most media is.

In keeping with the old Fishwrap Magazine tradition, you are now allowed to ask the Thoom ONE (1) question.

So, what is it exactly that the Fen President does every day?

I think it depends on the Fen President. The office is what you make of it.

Thanks, Kallisto, for participating in 'Five Questions with a Thoom'.

The Alliance Castle remains on hold as wood blocks access to the construction site. What will it take to get this project back on track?

Kallisto made the following announcement to TMN:

Para, ya old thoom,

My Gaia, it's with great honor that I accept Odesseus' nomination to be his hand-picked successor to the office of Fen President. As such, I like totally promise to continue every last one of his policies, so that we might all continue to prosper as we have these last four awesome puddleyears.

We'll continue our preemptive strikes on the Orga Stronghold, in order to teach the Orga that they can't cross us Puddlbeans, ya know? Like, they'll learn to share their resources with us gratefully, or feel our pointy, pointy, blades. I know I'm qualified to lead this effort, because like, I can totally see the Orga Stronghold from my house in Arbordale.

Some may think I'm not qualified to lead because of my short time of exile, and relative lack of experience. To that I say, "What. Evar!" I've been clearing South Forest by myself now for 1 year and 9 months or 641 days. Clearly my record will show that I'm SO the right female for the job.

Speaking of female, what's the difference between a haremu and a female fen? Shoulder pads! There ya go!

I'll bring to the People of Puddleby (and other races, I suppose, perhaps not halflings), my totally strong positions on Gaia, clan morals, and celibacy. Celibacy Rocks! I mean, have you heard those stories coming out of the Purple Tor? Do we want our younglings thinking that sort of behavior is all hunky-dory? I thought not.

Ya know, Largo claims to be all about change, but what ya might not know is that he voted to raise storage fees 47 times. 47! Can ya believe it? Times are tough, skins aren't paying like they used to, and Largo's solution is to raise storage fees for hard-working exiles like yourself.

In closing, I'd like to remind you all that unlike that wannabe fashionista stuffed shirt Largo, I'm cute *and* fun!

-Kallisto

Chaos Storm #566 has swept the Lok'Groton island chain. Please post any changes you have observed and wish to share with others in the comments. If you don't want to read possible spoilers, please do not read the comments.

Arianrhod has updated her journal with two new entries:

Jady and Noivad's wedding...I think?

Golems, contests and coins, Oh my!

What follows is a transcript of a Town Hall Meeting with Largo and Althea. Paramedic the Thoom of TMN was the moderator.

Althea says, "Thoom, Paramedic"
Largo says, "Oh, hello Paramedic."
Paramedic says, "Thoom"
Largo asks, "We were just standing here looking respectable. How are you?"
Althea asks, "how are you this fine evening?"
Paramedic says, "Just getting some promotion out on Koppi"
Althea says, "ah good..."
Largo exclaims, "I love promotion!"
Paramedic says, "The big Odesseus interview went up recently"
Althea says, "I saw that"
Althea says, "I didn't think he showed himself well"
Largo says, "Not nearly as much buzz around that as mine, I hear. Nobody wants to observe a dying star."
Largo says, "No offense to Odesseus, of course."
Althea says, "it must be difficult being dated"
(Largo nods.)
Paramedic says, "So it looks like Largo will be one of the candidates, but the others remain unclear"
Largo asks, "Is that so?"
Althea says, "there really is no other candidate"
Paramedic says, "yea"
Illora Mone asks, "not even Kaly?"
Largo says, "The ballot should just be my name four times."
Althea says, "than Largo: Fen on the Move"
Largo says, "It may as well be."
Paramedic says, "Kaly may be running, but we have not yet heard from her"
Evita asks, "What are you running for? Should I be the opposition?"
Paramedic says, "and also, we never know what the slate will be"
Largo says, "Interesting."
Paramedic says, "sometimes the selections for candidacy are surprises"
(Althea): Largo: For Now and For the Future
(Largo): Largo: FOREVER.

Questions for Largo

Largo asks, "Since we're all here, do you have any questions for me?"
Largo asks, "Sort of a followup to the interview?"
Paramedic says, "Hmm"
Illora Mone asks, "how can you expect to lead us when you're so out of touch?"
Althea exclaims, "!"
Largo asks, "Me? Out of touch?"
Illora Mone says, "you've been missing for years"
Paramedic says, "Well, that is a good question"
Paramedic says, "You were gone a while"
Largo says, "I've been observing Puddlebean events from a distance."
Illora Mone says, "you missed a lot of things happening in the lands"
Illora Mone says, "a distance leader is not what we need"
Largo exclaims, "Trust me when I say that I'm always on top of everything!
Althea says, "I have provided Largo with excellent in-depth analysis"
Althea says, "of the events while he was in the library"
(Largo nods.)
Althea says, "he is fully informed"
Largo says, "The Largocracy carried on, even in Largo's absence."
Illora Mone says, "not near the same as experienced"
Largo exclaims, "I'm very experienced!"
Shadrock says, "Do you only clan late at night, Para? I hardly ever see you."
Paramedic says, "I'm not around as much as I used to be, I confess"
Paramedic says, "but I do come out of the library"
Shadrock says, "Ah, oh well. Thanks for keeping thoomcare running. It rocks. I think I'd die without thoomcare."
Paramedic says, "Thanks, Shadrock"