TMN EXCLUSIVE: FIVE QUESTIONS WITH FEN VICE PRESIDENT RELKIN
Amid the various celebrations surrounding the election of Largo as Fen President, few have taken note of the history-making second consecutive term of Fen Vice President Relkin. No one has ever held fen elective office twice in a row before. Will this open the door to future consecutive terms for Fen presidents as well? TMN is proud to present the following interview with Relkin:
TMN would like to conduct an interview with the distinguished Fen Vice President Relkin. Would you be interested in answering these five questions?
Actually, you asked six questions, including that one. But the Largo Administration will answer any and all questions posed. Be it four, five, six, or . . . actually six is the limit. We don't have all day, you know.
1) Fen Vice President Relkin, it's an honor to have you answer five questions with TMN today. This must be an exciting time for you. Why do you think the voters selected you and Largo?
Only the voters can answer that question. It isn't for me or Largo to tell you.
Fortunately, the Voters spoke directly to me, and the Voters told me, "Relkin, go and fight those Orgas in the Stronghold." And we did. And then the Voters would tell me, "Relkin, go and end the tyranny on Ash Island." And that will be our first step.
2) This is your second time as Fen Vice President. Clearly candidates and voters think you bring something special to this position. Do you think you have a knack for being a vice president?
Well sure! I've got experience. I know where all the undisclosed locations are. I'm charismatic and lovable. And most importantly, I can spout the most outrageous accusations about the president's opponents without any repercussions. I'd make a great vice presidential pick for any future candidates. Especially Creed. She isn't a Largo, but she is close, vote Creed!
3) Some exiles have had questions about your consecutive terms. It is, after all, unprecedented. Some have even raised the word "conspiracy." The following was heard over the sunstone network during Largo's inaugural ceremony:
Relkin thinks, "Was Largo assassinated yet?"
Comments?
Conspiracy!? I don't even know what that word means! I'll have to speak to our campaign manager Althea and ask her, she knows all sorts of funny words, I'll be right back . . .
. . . OK, I'm back. Althea tells me there is absolutely no conspiracy. Especially not one controlled by sylvans at the highest levels. She also told me what, exactly, it is that a fen vice president does, and I'm simply the right fen for the job. Of course I'm concerned about the well-being of the President! I make sure to inquire about his health once a day, if not by the hour. What with fen presidents habit of disappearing before their term is complete it is totally understandable that I'm worried. Not that I'm worried about Largo in particular. He has assured he that he only disappears suspiciously without warning or explanation once every 20 years, and he has already covered that. So he is the most reliable president we've ever had. Worrying is just one of the many responsibilities of the fen vice president. I worry so Largo doesn't have to, and so that he avoids unsightly lines and wrinkles.
4) Do you have designs on the office of Fen President? Do you intend to run in the future?
I can't not unconfirm alleged rumors that I may or may not announce that I will not previously announce that I do not plan to announce to seek office in the past or future possibly.
5) What are the biggest threats to exiles currently? How will you and Largo address these threats?
Well, it isn't my job to deal with the big threats, I leave that to Largo. I'm mostly here to inquire after his health and create delicious scandals for the wonderful media like yourself. Largo is all business though. I heard him talking about those Darshak. They're up to something on Phineas Island and no one seems to be doing anything about it. But we can count on Largo to get to the bottom of it! But there is also Ethereal Warming, and the possibly even more dangerous Ethereal Cooling, and also the Temperate Ether Crisis facing us, which Largo and his team of rival-experts are working hard on. And there are many more. With so many threats, the biggest threat was probably the threat of a non-Largo presidency. The voters have boldly faced and defeated that threat already. You dared to hope for change, and you got it. Largo will surely lead us to a bold new future.
On that note, the second biggest threat is probably the fen presidential term limits, which would mean a non-Largo presidency in the future. That is a dark future none of us want to face. Unless Creed is elected.
In keeping with the old Fishwrap Magazine tradition, you are now allowed the ask the Thoom ONE (1) question.
Are there any scandals you'd be interested in covering this term? SNN has been requesting exclusive scandals, but I told them, no, Thoomcare will get the first one!
Yes, what's the deal with that Skirwan guy? And why do we never see him and Stylunk in the same room together?
This concludes what has been an excellent and insightful interview with Fen Vice President Relkin, who will now be returning to his undisclosed location. Thank you for your time, Relkin!
Further discussion at the Clan Lord Sentinel.