TMN EXCLUSIVE: FIVE QUESTIONS WITH FEN PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE INU TEISEI
1) Like Kallisto, you are new to Puddleby's political scene. Why are you running for Fen President?
I am chomping at the bit to debate Largo and ahem Kallisto . . . plus I thought "why must only 100% fens run, why not 50-50 or 60-40 . . . " or like you know, whatever part fen you are, why can't anyone run? Oh ya and I want to everyone to have FUN! Oh and for those who don't know, my daddy was Ravenstorm —a fen 100%, who is no MIA. It was just as much a shock to him as it was well to him. I am like SOOO qualified too!
2) Does Largo already have this election in the bag? Are the Largocrats unstoppable?
Well, it depends. Although Largo is the cause celebre at the moment, he needs a real opponent. And sorry, but Kallisto just brings more of the same know-nothing, do-nothing government that got us into this mess in the first place. Actually I admire Largo, and I was until very recently, strongly advocating for him. But then I figured he needed a real opponent, not that fen with lipstick masquerading as a candidate. Also I believe Puddleby is ready for a real change! Why vote 100% fen when you don't have to!
3) What do you think are the most important issues facing Puddleby today?
I don't believe there is any single issue as they are all pretty much related. First off Planar Warming, although naysayers like Skirwan will have you believe it's all a conspiracy just to get us off EPS, the evidence was quite evident during the Ethereal storms that caused portals to appear and mad Ethereal creatures to spew out and keel so many hapless exiles. I believe the collapse in value of Puddleby real estate, caused the mess with the Alliance Castle. But I also believe the lack of exiles coining and coming out of the library is the real genesis of all our troubles. Without enough exiles, the economy weakens, Darshaks invade, Orgas invade, ethereal creatures spew. I mean come on, the Orga just felt sorry for us and left because we are so weak. It will be tough figuring out how to coax more exiles to come out of the library, but I think I can work will all Puddleby citizens on this challenging issue.
4) Zo voters may decide this election. What will your administration do for the Zo?
Oh, Zo are so funny: I always have lots of fun when I hunt with Zo. I just hunted with a group of Zo the other night. They can be hard to heal, but they are also usually the last to fall. I heard various issues that Zo seemed to be thinking about, all of which have left my head for the moment. Oh ya, now I remember, lots of kegs.
5) Who will your vice presidential candidate be?
There can be only one - Pun'isher. We share a daddy, Ravenstorm. So she is eminently qualified to be the Fen Vice President. Of course we won't talk about her momma (Har'lotta), but suffice to say that witch, er I mean step-momma is safely trapped on the mainland.
In keeping with the old Fishwrap Magazine tradition, you are now allowed to ask the Thoom ONE (1) question.
Darn and I had a good one before I drew a blank.
(thinking)
AHA! Darn, it slipped out again . . .
Oh ya, now I remember! Please tell us your thoughts about a 100% Fen President?
Well, that should be up to the voters. I'd just like to remind everyone that there is absolutely no racial qualification for running for Fen President or for voting in the election. Here's Fen Presidency FAQ 2.0; 3.0 coming soon.
Posted by Para at October 16, 2008 07:23 AMOh and one other thing, I totally support Noivad! I like Maeght, but it was Noivad who helped me out when I first became an exile.
Posted by: Inu Teisei on October 16, 2008 08:28 AMI'm sorry, Inu. I like you as a person. You're a nice exile, but you are not qualified to be Fen President! It's just not ... patriotic. How can a half-breed possibly understand the many important issues facing the Fen Community?
Today I am announcing the formation of a new political action committee, Fens for Families, Rainbows, Free Beer and Togron Nuts, Traditional Values and Ponies. The FFFRFBATNTVAP has not yet decided whether to endorse a candidate for Fen President, but we certainly will campaign against any non- or part-Fen running for the office.
Posted by: Creed on October 16, 2008 03:29 PMI'd like to go on record by saying that I'm strongly in favor of families, rainbows, free beer, togron nuts, traditional values, and ponies.
Posted by: Largo on October 16, 2008 03:31 PMInu,
Kin ya elaborate on yer keg stance? Ya is tha first candidate I heard bring up this important issue. Largo's "me too" dont count.
ber!
Posted by: Connie on October 16, 2008 06:41 PMAs Largo's Fen Treasurer, I can assure you, Connie, that beer is an integral focus of our finances. Although it will often be success raining from the sky under a Largo presidency, beer will often rain as well. Now, I know what you're thinking - that's a lot of rain. Well, for a place called Puddleby, it hasn't rained in a very long time. Is any other candidate concerned about that? Plus, who doesn't love success and beer? Vote Largo!
Posted by: Hunter on October 16, 2008 07:38 PMStylunk am deeply disappointed that Largo am supporting Creed's speciesist attacks on non-Fen. When will some Largocracy learn that this sort of hate am have no place in some world today? Am Largo am having anything for am offering to Puddleby besides anger and attacks?
(Stylunk am Stylunk, and Stylunk am approved Stylunk's message.)
Posted by: Stylunk on October 16, 2008 10:54 PMLargo's gonna make it rain beer? Alla time? or even frequentlike? Ya is right Hunner, it aint rained in a mighty long time - ifn we gotta wait double that fer tha beer rain, we'll be mighty dry.
How does tha other candidates perpose ta solve tha beer issue?
ber!
Posted by: Connie on October 17, 2008 03:36 PMStylunk, I must respond to your negative comments! I am in no way speciesist! Some of my best friends are Zo, Sylvan and even Humans. You know that Chance is practically my sister!
I simply do not think they are qualified to be FEN president. That's FEN ... president. What part of FEN do folks not understand??
I wouldn't mind helping the FFFRFBATNTVAP committee, not just saying i'm in support of it; however, i do think it could be FFFRFDATNTVAP instead so that those liking other forms of liquid refreshment would partake.
K'vynn
Posted by: K'vynn on October 17, 2008 11:11 PM