Fen Presidential Candidate Kallisto Interviewed

TMN EXCLUSIVE: FIVE QUESTIONS WITH FEN PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE KALLISTO

1) Kallisto, thank you for agreeing to answer five questions with TMN today. First question: why have you chosen to affiliate yourself with the policies of Odesseus? You say you are a maverick, yet you are backed by a Puddlebean insider and longtime exile.

Odesseus is not an insider. He does almost everything outside, except you know, sleep and stuff. Have you ever been on a hunt with Odesseus, and everyone goes one way and he runs off in an entirely different direction? So totally maverick. Odesseus' policies are unprecedented, some may even say they are unobservable, but that's just because he's so amazin' at workin' behind the scenes, way WAY behind the scenes. No, further . . . little more. . . . there ya go! Odesseus is so cool, he's outta sight. Why *wouldn't* I wanna be just like him?

2) The Largocrats are off to an early start in this campaign season. Largo's return has clearly captured the attention of many voters. How do you respond to those exiles who think Largo already has this election in the bag, so to speak?

Well, that's the problem with us Fen, exiles always tryin' to put us in bags. Some sort of joke or something, they laugh their tooshies off when they let us out again. That Largo, Gaia bless him, he's out of touch with that the Fen Presidency is supposed to be about! First of all he's MUCH too visible, always in Town Center, shakin' hands and kissin' babies, yammerin' away about this project or that, talkin' about how he's gonna help everyone. Secondly, he's much too experienced for the job. The way I hear it, the most important qualifications of the Fen President are inexperience, incompetence, and and a desire to do as little as possible. As such, Largo is totally unqualified for such an important position. Lying down is a great position, standing is okay too, you know, if you're into that sort of thing, I prefer kneeling usually.

3) What do you think are the most important issues facing Puddleby today? The 700 billion coin bailout of the Alliance Castle and the crash of the exile financial system? The war against the Orga and their "weapon of mass destruction" known as the catapult? The destructive and annoying personal feud between Maeght and the Sheriff of Puddleby, Noivad? Planar warming? Darshak piracy?

I'm cute *and* fun!

I will say this: my good friend Maeght won't have to worry about that tyrant sheriff for much longer, if ya know what I mean. *wink*

4) Zo voters may decide this election. What will your administration do for the Zo?

I love the Zo. They're such great healers, and those great accents. If I'm elected I'll make sure they get plenty of fish and stuff, you betcha! Can they vote?

5) How do you get your news? What Web scrolls do you read?

Oh, you know, all of 'em any of 'em. You know what one I especially like? I like the Foxwier News Network. It's fair and balanced, unlike the Largocentric SNN. Thoomcare's good too, of course, though I'm thinkin' it's sometimes a little Largocraticly biased, but that's OK, most media is.

In keeping with the old Fishwrap Magazine tradition, you are now allowed to ask the Thoom ONE (1) question.

So, what is it exactly that the Fen President does every day?

I think it depends on the Fen President. The office is what you make of it.

Thanks, Kallisto, for participating in 'Five Questions with a Thoom'.

Posted by Para at October 10, 2008 09:50 AM