Kallisto Announces Candidacy for Fen President

Kallisto made the following announcement to TMN:

Para, ya old thoom,

My Gaia, it's with great honor that I accept Odesseus' nomination to be his hand-picked successor to the office of Fen President. As such, I like totally promise to continue every last one of his policies, so that we might all continue to prosper as we have these last four awesome puddleyears.

We'll continue our preemptive strikes on the Orga Stronghold, in order to teach the Orga that they can't cross us Puddlbeans, ya know? Like, they'll learn to share their resources with us gratefully, or feel our pointy, pointy, blades. I know I'm qualified to lead this effort, because like, I can totally see the Orga Stronghold from my house in Arbordale.

Some may think I'm not qualified to lead because of my short time of exile, and relative lack of experience. To that I say, "What. Evar!" I've been clearing South Forest by myself now for 1 year and 9 months or 641 days. Clearly my record will show that I'm SO the right female for the job.

Speaking of female, what's the difference between a haremu and a female fen? Shoulder pads! There ya go!

I'll bring to the People of Puddleby (and other races, I suppose, perhaps not halflings), my totally strong positions on Gaia, clan morals, and celibacy. Celibacy Rocks! I mean, have you heard those stories coming out of the Purple Tor? Do we want our younglings thinking that sort of behavior is all hunky-dory? I thought not.

Ya know, Largo claims to be all about change, but what ya might not know is that he voted to raise storage fees 47 times. 47! Can ya believe it? Times are tough, skins aren't paying like they used to, and Largo's solution is to raise storage fees for hard-working exiles like yourself.

In closing, I'd like to remind you all that unlike that wannabe fashionista stuffed shirt Largo, I'm cute *and* fun!

-Kallisto

Posted by Para at October 05, 2008 06:55 AM