Issue #48 of Fishwrap Magazine ("The Sheriff and the Juliusaur") is now available.
IN THIS ISSUE
* Interview with a Sheriff
* The Juliusaur
* The Light-Buyer
* Exile on the Street
* Horoscopes
Read below for the full text.
FISHWRAP MAGAZINE
"Smells like fish; tastes like paper"
Issue #48: "The Sheriff and the Juliusaur"
[May 15, 2002]
Circulation: 190
Fishwrap Magazine is available on the World Wide Web.
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/fishwrapmagazine
You can subscribe here and also read all the back issues.
#####
IN THIS ISSUE
* Interview with a Sheriff
* The Juliusaur
* The Light-Buyer
* Exile on the Street
* Horoscopes
#####
SPONSORS
This issue of Fishwrap Magazine is brought to you by the following
sponsors:
* Clan Rising Claw
http://www.risingclaw.com/
* Clan Pogue Mahone
http://www.poguemahone.org/
* Lundar the Mystic
http://homepage.mac.com/lundar/
* The Dwarven Militia
http://www.dwarvenmilitia.com/
* Fierce and Furry - The Adventures of Hor!
http://www.fierceandfurry.de/
#####
THOOMCARE MEDIA NETWORK HEADLINE NEWS
"TMN: Thoom News You Can Use"
A Trip to the Abyss
Vermine Invasion in South Farms
Juliusaur Attacks Puddleby
New Map of Puddleby Island
Sielk Reports on Kismia's Island
Norm's Rock Collection
Fat Alice Returns
Aravir's Notebook
Changes to the Dark Temple
Hunting at the Lyfe Cave
Fat Alice Missing
for more information on the above stories, see thoomcare.com:
http://www.thoomcare.com
#####
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#####
HELP WANTED
Fishwrap Magazine is looking for a few more contributors, reporters and
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#####
THOOM WITH A VIEW
BY PARAMEDIC THE THOOM, EDITOR
I've made a couple of important changes in the ways that I distribute
information.
My clan's new Web scroll is now available at
http://www.thoomcare.com
The front page of thoomcare.com features news from the ThoomCare Media
Network. New news items will be posted regularly to this scroll. This
scroll will now make posting important news more efficient and timely.
Fishwrap will no longer contain extensive news links because
thoomcare.com will serve that purpose more effectively. Fishwrap will
now be dedicated to longer articles and interviews, truer to its name,
Fishwrap Magazine.
Please come visit thoomcare.com. I'm updating it regularly, and hope to
make it an important source for news for exiles. If you'd like to
submit some news or pictures to the ThoomCare Media Network, just email
them to me at thoomcare.com.
- Para
#####
FIVE QUESTIONS WITH NOIVAD
BY PARAMEDIC
Paramedic says, "Readers, this issue we have an interview with the
sheriff of Puddleby, Noivad."
Noivad says, "it's all about the community"
Paramedic says, "Welcome, Noivad"
Noivad exclaims, "Hi Para!"
Paramedic says, "You know the routine. I have 5 questions for you."
Noivad says, "ok"
Paramedic asks, "1) What's the state of law enforcement today in
Puddleby?"
Noivad says, "Well it's ok, I guess, but there's a big problem"
Paramedic asks, "really?"
Noivad says, "yes"
Noivad says, "people aren't reporting crimes"
(Paramedic nods)
Noivad says, "ya see, a lot of people think they can fix their problems
themselves by flaming the other party which makes things worse.
Noivad says, "when what they really need is a good moderator"
Paramedic asks, "and people don't turn to you as often as you'd like?"
Noivad says, "You've seen me in action, when I'm not taking sniper
shots I'm a pretty fair guy"
Noivad says, "I've been able to solve a few disputes here and there
when people do come to me"
Paramedic asks, "From where you derive your authority? Are you a self-
appointed sheriff?"
Noivad says, "most definitely"
Noivad says, "well kinda"
Noivad says, "Marfisa and I had a campaign that lasted well over a
year"
Paramedic says, "Ah yes"
Noivad says, "and then eventually people started calling me sheriff"
Noivad says, "so self appointed? yes."
Paramedic asks, "And now, she's vanished....you had nothing to do with
that, right?"
Noivad says, "um, no comment"
(Noivad winks)
(Paramedic nods suspiciously)
Paramedic asks, "So, law enforcement is still in a rough stage here in
exile?"
Noivad says, "yes"
Noivad says, "a genuine frontier town"
Paramedic asks, "Do you see things getting better?"
Noivad says, "Maybe"
Noivad says, "I've appointed 5 deputies"
Noivad says, "maybe 6"
Paramedic asks, "do they help?"
Noivad says, "I think so"
Noivad says, "they rarely file reports"
Paramedic says, "hmm"
Noivad says, "Tessa or was it... Lumina, or one of them wanted to do a
scroll"
(Paramedic listens)
Noivad says, "If I had the chops I would have prepared a scroll where
you could report things"
Paramedic says, "Scroll work can be time-consuming."
Noivad says, "The problem is finding someone who is good at that scroll
work and is willing to become a deputy"
Noivad asks, "maybe we should chain Vagile to the sheriff's office?"
Noivad says, "Make her do all the work like she did on that other
scroll"
Noivad says, "though, I must say, Thuja doing it would be awesome"
Noivad says, "she does nice work"
Court Abuse
Paramedic asks, "2) What is your assessment of the Puddleby court
system?"
Noivad asks, "the courts?"
Noivad says, "Mainly abused"
Paramedic asks, "abused?"
Noivad says, "people making bs cases to pull other people out of hunts"
Noivad says, "or people making nuisance cases that just take people's
time"
Paramedic says, "that's not good"
Noivad says, "no it's not"
Noivad says, "that's why I wish Chum would implement the "Hang 'em
both" verdict and the selective banishment from the right to make
claims"
Paramedic says, "I was always struck by the fact that when Tarf killed
an ambassador, it never even went to court"
Noivad exclaims, "me too!"
Paramedic says, "Innocent or guilty, the trial should have been
conducted"
Noivad says, "he shoulda done hard time"
Noivad says, "with a prison mate named bubba"
Noivad says, "Actually, I was pretty pissed off at Tarf for a long time
over that"
Paramedic says, "Many exiles were unhappy with that situation"
Noivad says, "Tarf did get an informal trial"
Noivad says, "look at the way people treated him for months after that"
Noivad says, "he was pretty much a leper for a good few months"
Paramedic says, "You don't see Tarf much these days."
Noivad says, "No you don't. I think that's because he has chosen to
keep a lower profile"
Paramedic says, "Some say he has gone into a self-imposed exile from
exiles"
Noivad says, "yeah I'd buy that"
Brion Brothers
Paramedic asks, "3) What do you think of Tenebrion and his brothers?"
Noivad says, "Well, they're a group, and you can't make sweeping
generalizations on a group"
Noivad says, "Though to tell the truth, I've never seen them act in a
way that would make me distrust them"
Noivad says, "I don't like any of them, but I don't really know any of
them"
Paramedic asks, "have you been to their islands?"
Noivad says, "yes, many times"
Noivad says, "I even got a portal stone from one of them"
Noivad says, "so long as I agreed that while I had it I'd stay off
their lands"
Paramedic says, "Trespassing is not good"
Noivad says, "I don't have it anymore, so it's ok for me to go"
Noivad says, "that agreement really put a kink in my ability to go on
hunts"
(Paramedic nods)
Noivad says, "people would always invite me and I'd have to decline"
Noivad says, "it sucked, it was a bad decision to agree to those terms"
Paramedic says, "speaking of hunts..."
Hunting with the Sheriff
Paramedic asks, "4) Where are your favorite hunting places these days?"
Noivad says, "Well, I like hunting in the Scarmis Queen Chamber"
Noivad says, "when I can get in a good group"
Paramedic says, "Ah yes....a very dangerous and exciting place"
Noivad says, "the valley is always fun, so long as it's not
overpowered"
Paramedic says, "The valley is a fun challenge"
Paramedic asks, "5) What is your fighting strategy, Noivad? Weapon of
choice, shield, etc?"
Noivad says, "my strategy is to flow like water"
Noivad says, "Babajaga calls it dancing"
Noivad says, "but I'm much more fluid than she is"
Paramedic says, "So, you like to keep the beasties on their toes"
Noivad says, "Notice I run in circles and strike enemies from all
sides, clearing the way for other fighters to get hits in"
Noivad says, "a lot of my fighter training, meaning how I train
fighters, revolves around keeping out of each other's way to ...."
Noivad says, "more efficiently and effectively hunt"
Noivad says, "if you notice, I step out of people's way and never stand
where I might interfere with other people's movement if at all
possible"
Noivad says, "that's why I expect the same of others"
(Paramedic nods)
Paramedic asks, "Is there a beast you hate the most?"
Noivad asks, "hmmm?"
Noivad exclaims, "not really, oh wait!"
Noivad says, "GCP"
(Paramedic listens)
Noivad says, "rats"
Noivad says, "vermine"
Noivad says, "nuisance beasties"
Noivad says, "not because I'm unbalanced like some people and can only
swing once a day,"
Noivad says, "but because they really provide no challenge - no fun, no
exp"
(Paramedic nods)
Noivad says, "they just clutter up the landscape, making noise and
making you have to deal with them"
Noivad says, "oh BTW, my favourite weapon is the GA,"
Paramedic asks, "GA?"
Noivad says, "it rocks"
Noivad says, "Great Axe"
Noivad says, "If you've trained right it can be a great weapon"
Paramedic says, "As you know, at the end of the interview you are
allowed to ask the thoom ONE (1) question"
Paramedic says, "that's 1 (ONE) question"
Noivad says, "hmm one question....."
(Paramedic waits)
Noivad says, "I'm thinking"
Noivad says, "I want to make it good"
Noivad asks, "why do you do the Fishwrap, and what do you get out of
it?"
Paramedic says, "Good question."
Noivad says, "thanks"
Noivad says, "I think the readers want to know about the thoom behind
the news"
Paramedic says, "I do the Fishwrap because it provides exiles with
information and knowledge they need in a dangerous world"
(Noivad nods)
Noivad says, "It seems to"
Paramedic says, "Fishwrap is very much in keeping with Thoom values of
knowledge and learning"
Paramedic says, "And what do I get out of it? I gain access to this
source of information. Also, Fishwrap has helped to augment my
otherwise meager healer's income."
Noivad asks, "Is personal satisfaction a big part of that equation?"
Paramedic says, "Definitely. I enjoy putting it together, but it takes
a lot of time and I wish I could do it more often"
Noivad says, "I'm sure many appreciate your efforts"
Paramedic says, "I hope so."
Paramedic says, "Thanks Noivad, for an excellent interview"
Noivad says, "thank you Paramedic"
#####
SOULMASTER ON THE JULIUSAUR
INTERVIEWED BY JEANNE
Soulmaster says, "Julius was just an ona chigger, I caught him years
ago. You see, Maz was in town, sitting right here, in fact"
Soulmaster says, "he was talking to Babajaga"
Soulmaster says, "I don't know what about"
Soulmaster says, "I said hi to Maz and sat down"
Soulmaster says, "I thought it would be great to take out my new ona
chigger, we all know how frightened Babajaga is of bugs"
Jeanne says, "I didn't know that."
Soulmaster says, "she may deny it, but oh ho ho"
Jeanne says, "even beetles?"
Soulmaster says, "yep"
Jeanne says, "must make valley trips interesting"
Soulmaster says, "on hunts, look closely, she'll turn bright red
whenever they're around"
Soulmaster says, "that's beside the fact though"
Soulmaster says, "anyways"
Soulmaster says, "so I took out Julius' cage... with Julius in it"
Soulmaster says, "Maz, being the icorrigible jokester he is"
Soulmaster says, "thought it would be funny to open the cage"
Soulmaster says, "so he did..."
Soulmaster says, "and obviously, Julius jumped out of the cage"
Soulmaster says, "he started to attack Maz"
Soulmaster says, "then Zaroff saw him, and being... Zaroff"
Soulmaster says, "he cut him down coldly"
Soulmaster says, "but Julius being of infinite wisdom, departed!"
Soulmaster says, "in purgatory he mutated into a super strong and smart
ona chigger"
Jeanne says, "When did this happen?"
Soulmaster says, "oh, 6 years ago I think"
Soulmaster says, "of course, I didn't hear anything from Julius for the
longest time"
Soulmaster says, "little did I know he was gathering his forces in the
Puddleby underground"
Soulmaster says, "he sent a few of not so smart ona chigger generals
up"
Soulmaster says, "they were quickly defeated though.."
Soulmaster says, "there was Juliet... Augustus.."
Soulmaster says, "Orange Julius"
Soulmaster says, "the latest one was Yulius"
Jeanne says, "so did they look like regular ona chiggers?"
Soulmaster says, "yeah"
Soulmaster says, "they all looked the same"
Jeanne says, "were they tougher?"
Soulmaster says, "the chigger was a little tougher"
Jeanne says, "and when you killed them, you got a "You slaughtered <
name>" instead of "You slaughtered an Ona Chigger"?"
Soulmaster says, "yeah"
Soulmaster says, "there were also some bioengineered chiggers"
Soulmaster says, "the first of the bioengineered chiggers was the
chiggeroid"
Soulmaster says, "quite frankly I couldn't tell the difference between
that and a normal chigger.."
Soulmaster says, "but anyways.."
Soulmaster says, "then there was the chugger, that one make people
drunk"
Soulmaster says, "like herpetids"
Soulmaster says, "the strongest one was the Julius slave"
Soulmaster says, "it hit as hard as an orga wrath"
Soulmaster says, "but it really didn't have any strength in the other
areas"
Soulmaster says, "so it didn't last long"
Soulmaster says, "then there were two special ones"
Soulmaster says, "Julius' mundane twin brother Timmy.."
Soulmaster says, "followed me around, but ran off to south forest"
Soulmaster says, "I'm unsure of what happened to him"
Soulmaster says, "we may yet hear from him again"
Soulmaster says, "and in the same raid as that one, was a chigger
Ayella called.. Digger"
Soulmaster says, "why, I'm not sure, but whatever"
Soulmaster says, "that one walked around attacking people, but it was
ethereal"
Soulmaster says, "no nobody could attack it"
Soulmaster says, "eventually it materialized and some guy killed him"
Soulmaster says, "off the subject of the kinds of chiggers.."
Soulmaster says, "there have been many raids"
Soulmaster says, "they usually aren't publicized because they aren't
very hard to put down"
Jeanne says, "raids where?"
Soulmaster says, "right in town, usually on the garden down there"
Jeanne says, "oh... what sort of raid?"
Soulmaster says, "well, usually they would pop up out of chigger holes"
Soulmaster says, "Julius would do some laughing and such, from inside
his tunnels"
Jeanne says, "oh..... what does? ona chiggers?"
Soulmaster says, "just plain chiggers"
Soulmaster says, "they attacked maybe a half dozen times"
Aravir says, "the first venomous chiggers appeared like that"
Jeanne says, "I never have heard of such a thing."
Soulmaster says, "then, with Digger and Timmy, arrived the venomous
ones"
Jeanne says, "when did Digger and Timmy appear?"
Soulmaster says, "on one of the raids"
Soulmaster says, "also when the Julius slave appeared"
Jeanne says, "ah, when did that happen thereabouts?"
Soulmaster says, "a few months ago, maybe.."
Soulmaster says, "and coincidentally, this was the first time venomous
chiggers appeared"
Soulmaster says, "they didn't have their shiny yellow shells though"
Jeanne says, "oh, so the first venomous ona chiggers were red too?"
Soulmaster says, "yes"
Soulmaster says, "a number of weeks later came the yellow ones"
Soulmaster says, "me and Sutai first saw those maybe a few months ago"
WorldWalker says, "for a while the venomous red ones were in East
Field"
Soulmaster says, "Julius thought to me, using a sunstone, that his
secret lair was under ash island"
Soulmaster says, "I realize the irony..."
Soulmaster says, "telling me where his secret lair was"
Jeanne says, "even monsters have sunstones now?"
Soulmaster says, "you've seen t'rools with sunstones, haven't you?"
Jeanne says, "no"
Soulmaster says, "well there have been..."
Soulmaster says, "so me and Sutai went to look with a small party,
Rutabaga was the only fighter"
Soulmaster says, "of course"
Soulmaster says, "that was the first time we met with the yellow ones"
Soulmaster says, "the venomous chiggers of today"
Soulmaster says, "they beat us back very fast!"
Soulmaster says, "we were no match for these new chiggers"
Soulmaster says, "so we were forced to retreat"
Soulmaster says, "as we ran away, we could hear Julius laughing at us"
Soulmaster says, "maybe a week ago, there was a raid, but this time it
was all venomous chiggers"
Jeanne says, "under ash island?"
Soulmaster says, "on the lawn down there"
Jeanne says, "oh...."
Jeanne says, "they popped up out of chigger holes?"
Soulmaster says, "yes"
Soulmaster says, "and soon after that, Julius had us going to ash
island"
Soulmaster says, "we headed through the scarmis lair, following the
trail of chiggers"
Soulmaster says, "taking a detour to kill the queen"
Soulmaster says, "there were masses of chiggers inside"
Soulmaster says, "by the time we got through, he, and whatever he had,
had escaped"
Soulmaster says, "we headed back, having learned that his lair was
somewhere past the scarmis"
Soulmaster says, "then, a few days after that"
Soulmaster says, "maybe one or two"
Soulmaster says, "there was a chigger raid on town, venomous ones
mostly"
Soulmaster says, "Julius sunstoned me, telling me he wants us to build
him a temple!"
Soulmaster says, "the tallest thing in Puddleby!"
Soulmaster says, "he said if we didn't, he would destroy town"
Soulmaster says, "then, just yesterday, as you know we met the
Juliosaur, but there were events leading up to it"
Soulmaster says, "me and Sutai were sitting in town"
Soulmaster says, "Julius sunstoned to me.."
Soulmaster says, "'come to my garden maze to find my greatest
creation'"
Soulmaster says, "of course, we assumed it was the maze past the
scarmis pit"
Soulmaster says, "but, alas"
Soulmaster says, "there weren't enough fighters or healers to get us
there"
Soulmaster says, "so we went to ash island and looked around, then came
quickly back"
Soulmaster says, "when we got back, two chiggers spawned that were
attacking rats"
Soulmaster says, "and even a wendecka"
Jeanne says, "back to town?"
Soulmaster says, "yes"
Jeanne says, "there was a wendecka in town?"
(Soulmaster nods)
Soulmaster says, "the wendecka ran to west town, and started running
and trampling rats!"
Soulmaster says, "it ran right over them!"
Soulmaster says, "then it got to the docks"
Soulmaster says, "and jumped into the water"
Soulmaster says, "....but wendecka can't swim.."
Soulmaster says, "then we got back to town"
Soulmaster says, "one of the two chiggers I spoke of early.."
Soulmaster says, "he was attacking rats at the time, and we followed it
to west town"
Soulmaster says, "then we followed him to the docks, then through the
ocean"
Soulmaster says, "then to ash island, then to the area outside the
scarmis pit"
Soulmaster says, "we have a few fighters and healers, but not enough to
continue"
Soulmaster says, "the chigger waited for us!"
Jeanne says, "so this ona chigger got on a boat? how do you know it
went to ash island?"
Soulmaster says, "he swam"
Soulmaster says, "like a shredder"
Jeanne says, "ooooh, so you saw it on the water?"
Soulmaster says, "just went into the ocean"
Soulmaster says, "yup"
Soulmaster says, "we sat there and waited, outside the walls near the
scarmis pit.."
Soulmaster says, "a valley hunt got out, and they went to help us"
Soulmaster says, "so then we pressed on"
Soulmaster says, "we followed the chigger through the first part of the
pit, to the northwest chamber"
Soulmaster says, "we had Iho run things, while Mr FancyPants and Falken
I think kudzued"
Soulmaster says, "then we followed the chigger through to the maze"
Soulmaster says, "oh yes, I forgot"
Soulmaster says, "you know the wendecka?"
Soulmaster says, "we think that may mean there is a chigger/wendecka
alliance"
Soulmaster says, "yes, it drowned"
Soulmaster says, "I'm sure we'll find out though"
Jeanne says, "so why do you think there's an alliance?"
Jeanne says, "do you think the wendecka was trying to make way to ash
island?"
(Soulmaster nods)
Soulmaster says, "and it ran out of the temple while we were pushing
around a small chigger"
Soulmaster says, "interrogating it"
Soulmaster says, "anyways"
Soulmaster says, "back at Julius' Garden Maze"
Soulmaster says, "we followed the chigger through there"
Soulmaster says, "there were many twists and turns.."
Soulmaster says, "we lost it at one point, but it came back, and we
continued following it"
Soulmaster says, "at one point it even seemed lost, which is strange"
Soulmaster says, "I guess chiggers don't have the best sense of
direction"
Soulmaster says, "anyways"
Soulmaster says, "it got back on course.."
Soulmaster says, "and soon, we met up.. with the Juliosaur!"
Soulmaster says, "the Juliosaur was a monster of immense power"
Soulmaster says, "with it spawned many venomous chiggers and red
chiggers"
Soulmaster says, "it almost defeated us more than once"
Soulmaster says, "but with kudzu and clever chaining we all got out"
Soulmaster says, "but, to mock us, it dropped a tombstone"
Soulmaster says, "it said "Defeated by Chiggers""
Soulmaster says, "it may even still be there"
Jeanne says, "where was it dropped?"
Soulmaster says, "near the centaur zodiac stone"
Soulmaster says, "and a strange NPC that had snow at her feet"
Jeanne says, "what was her name and what did she say?"
Soulmaster says, "she didn't say anything, we couldn't get to her"
Soulmaster says, "and her name escapes me.."
Jeanne says, "just a minor detail"
Soulmaster says, "we ran away screaming like little babies"
Soulmaster says, "not even scratching the mammoth creation"
Soulmaster says, "finally we got back to town"
Soulmaster says, "we thought it was over.."
Jeanne says, "I think I saw you all come in."
Jeanne says, "You seemed relieved to be in town."
Jeanne says, "I saw Sutai kiss the ground."
Soulmaster says, "but then, the Juliosaur burrowed up from the ground
on the lawn!"
Soulmaster says, "of course, we were all surprised"
Soulmaster says, "I'm sure, as you saw, many fools went to attack it,
with great failure"
Soulmaster says, "lots of chiggers attacked as well"
Soulmaster says, "it was never even scratched"
Jeanne says, "It was green once for a few seconds."
Jeanne says, "then it troilused"
Soulmaster says, "they tried many many times to kill it with boosts"
Soulmaster says, "it had unbelievable troilus!"
Jeanne says, "I saw Zorton try a few times."
Soulmaster says, "it hit harder than a hatred many times"
Soulmaster says, "nobody could hit it no matter what"
Soulmaster says, "eventually I had to leave"
Soulmaster says, "and and the last I heard of it is that it was lead to
the east forest"
Soulmaster says, "it probably burrowed back into the tunnels"
Jeanne says, "I can't believe it would die to natural causes."
Soulmaster says, "neither could I"
Jeanne says, "I'm sure that we haven't heard the last from Julius
either."
Soulmaster says, "it's probably in Julius' secret underground lair on
ash island"
Soulmaster says, "and I don't doubt that we saw the only Juliosaur"
Soulmaster says, "and Julius may yet make creations stronger than
that!"
Jeanne says, "I heard that Madcat talked to Julius. Is that true?"
Soulmaster says, "I take everything that Madcat says with a grain of
salt.."
Soulmaster says, "while I suppose it could be true.."
Soulmaster says, "I have heard no proof to coroborate his story"
Jeanne says, "I doubted it but thought that I should ask you for
confirmation."
Jeanne says, "I'll have to talk to him to see what he says."
Jeanne says, "I'll certainly take it with a grain of salt though."
Jeanne says, "As you're a far more reputable source for information."
(Soulmaster smiles)
Soulmaster says, "Julius isn't keen on showing his face"
Soulmaster says, "and he probably would have done it when we all were
there"
Jeanne says, "Do you have any idea of what Julius looks like? Does he
look like Julisaur?"
Soulmaster says, "I'm not positive"
Soulmaster says, "he's probably a larger form of the juliosaur"
Soulmaster says, "much meaner looking as well"
Jeanne says, "and probably even tougher"
(Soulmaster nods)
Soulmaster says, "and faster.."
Jeanne says, "I don't look forward to that battle."
Soulmaster says, "neither do I"
Soulmaster says, "but it will come"
Jeanne says, "If we can't take out the minion, we won't be able to take
out the boss"
Soulmaster says, "Julius is bent on the destruction of Puddleby, and
taking over the world"
Jeanne says, "At least it doesn't have tiny goals."
(Soulmaster chuckles)
Jeanne says, "That was certainly a deeper story than I thought."
Jeanne says, "This didn't just happen overnight."
Soulmaster says, "not at all"
Jeanne says, "I had no idea that all of those things happened."
Soulmaster says, "Sutai has seen more of it than anyone else"
Soulmaster says, "you may want to ask him about his take on it"
Jeanne says, "really? I'll have to ask him about that"
Jeanne says, "your information has been splendid"
#####
THE LIGHT-BUYER
A FEN FABLE
TRANSLATED BY ODESSEUS THE FEN
High in the hills of Norlan there lived a small family of a father and
his three kits. The father had little land and was joined with no
prowls, so he had a difficult time finding enough for his young kits to
eat. The kits were lackluster and getting ill. The father fretted, but
he had no food and nothing to trade for any healing herbs.
That night, before a small fire, he prayed to the Light-Buyer* to come
and take his light in exchange for well-being. The Light-Buyer appeared
before him with his long claws and dripping teeth. He looked hungrily
at the fen-father. The fen-father said "O, Light-Buyer, please, I will
exchange my light for the welfare of my hungry kits!" The Light-Buyer
smiled, a nasty, crooked grimace and said, "Ah, well, so you shall have
what you need. I will come for your light when I'm ready." With that,
the Light-Buyer vanished, although his red-glowing eyes hung in the air
a second longer, evilly mirthful, before vanishing. The father shivered
and thought to himself "what have I done?"
The next morning dawned clear and bright, and as the fen-father emerged
from the hut he spied a small heard of deer on the edge of the forest.
He picked up his spear and quickly raced after the herd. They fell
before his spear at nearly the slightest touch! And he noticed that his
small barren plot of land was now overrun with game! Giddily, he ran
about looking at all the creatures that stood nearly still for him, and
in his glee, tripped over an outcropping of rock. Looking at the rock,
he saw that had gold ore in it! With the game and the gold, the father-
fen had well means to raise his three kits, and they grew strong and
tall. They went off to different parts of the fen lands to learn
different professions.
Time passed and the fen-father grew older. One night while the father
rested on his mat, the Light-Buyer appeared in the hut, huge and mangy.
His long, dirty claws sheathed and unsheathed. Saliva dripped from his
huge fangs. His eyes glowed a fierce red in the light of an oil lamp.
"I have come for your light." he growled. "But I am yet young!" the fen
father protested. "It does not matter, it is time." said the Light-
Buyer. The Light-Buyer's eyes grew bright and the fen-father began to
fall very ill.
As it so happens, the fen-father's kits, grown up and accomplished,
happened to be visiting their father. Hearing the commotion from their
father's hut, they rushed in to see the looming form of the Light-Buyer
standing over their father, who was writhing in agony. "What goes on
here!" exclaimed one of the kits. Their father, in painful gasps, told
them the story. One kit, a son stepped forward.
"I am one of the reknown healers in the land. If I can ease his pain,
will you let him go?" The Light-Buyer chuckled and said "Fine." The son
concocted many, many fine cures, things that even now we still use to
raise the horribly ill. But no matter the herbs eaten, poultices
applied, the son could not ease his father's pain.
Another kit, a daughter, stepped forward. "I am a reknown warrior. If I
can topple you, will you let my father go?" It was all the Light-Buyer
could do to keep from laughing. "Very well." With a loud rour, the
warrior daughter charged the Light-Buyer. She sprang on him with a
force that would have knocked down a dozen of the finest Y'mar
fighters. Indeed the hut shuddered from the impact. But it was like
running into a mountain. Still again and again she pommeled the Light-
Bringer until she was bruised and bloody. The Light-Buyer had not
budged.
The last kit stepped forward, a tall lithe female. "I am a member of
the People's Senate." This time the Light-Buyer laughed aloud. "So what
can you do?" he said, "Bore me away?" And he laughed again, saliva
flying around the room. She merely shrugged and said "I can do little
compared to my brother and sister, save ask such a great power as
oneself of a small favor." The Light-Buyer smiled the crooked, evil
grimace and said, "And what favor would that be?" The fen pointed to
the oil lamp, now nearly empty of oil. "Do you see that lamp, O, all-
powerful one?" The Light-Buyer snorted "I am not blind." "Well, since
you caught us off-guard, can you restore our father's health for the
time it takes for that oil to burn away? I hear you can be merciful in
such times." The Light-Buyer looked at the lamp, close to guttering and
stroked his mangy beard, but then chuckled to himself. "Very well. As
you say, I can be merciful. But for only as long as it takes for that
oil to burn." Immediately the fen-father rose up, looking fit and
healthy.
The daughter kit nodded, leaned over and blew out the flame. The room
was cast into total darkness, much to the surprise of all. "You may
leave now, Light-Stealer," came the female's voice from the dark. A
great growl and howl rose up as the Light-Buyer realized he had been
tricked and a great wind whipped through the hut for a moment as the
Light-Buyer departed. After the wind died down, another, smaller light
of a lit piece of kindling sprang forth lighting up the smiling kit's
face. She reached over and capped the lamp and handed it to her father.
"Find a cliff and hurl it off so none may burn the oil." They rejoiced
at the great wisdom their kin had displayed in outsmarting the Light-
Buyer.
The very next day the father fen hurled the lamp from a cliff where it
shattered into thousands of pieces, and lived for a long, great time
from that day forward, enjoying his health and the love of his kits.
-----
* Light-Buyer is a rather rough translation from fen. A fen's light is
that which keeps us alive, the light of life. When we die, our light
goes up to join the stars, which are lights of heroes and great fen of
our past, to rejoice and revel for all eternity. If a fen is terribly
dishonorable or unworthy, their light, instead, sinks down into the
earth, cold and dark for all eternity. Down in the earth are demons
that use the fallen lights to warm themselves and torment the fallen
lights even more. Few fen do fall into the earth, however, so the
Light-Buyer, a corrupt fallen fen, can grant a living fen a favor in
exchange for their light. Since a demon sometimes cannot find a light
to warm and entertain itself with, it sends the Light-Buyer to fetch
one of those who are in debt. Thus comes the nickname "Light-Stealer."
#####
EXILE ON THE STREET
BY CHARLOS
Ogh exclaims, "Hmm!"
(Ogh shrugs)
Charlos says, "20 questions"
Charlos asks, "1: Where is your favorite place to hang out?"
Ogh says, "Hmm?"
Ogh asks, "Charlos mean, for hunt?"
Charlos says, "sure, or just hang out..."
Ogh says, "Ok?"
Ogh says, "Ogh like run in South Forest"
Ogh says, "Nice trees and lots of furry beasts."
Charlos asks, "2: What do you do there?"
Ogh says, "Oh, uh."
Ogh says, "Mostly get warm up."
Ogh says, "before more difficult hunts."
Charlos asks, "3: How many weapons do you have?"
(Ogh counts)
Ogh says, "Look like? 7"
Charlos asks, "4: How long would it take you to solo a Savanna Maha?"
Ogh says, "Hmm."
Ogh asks, "Perhaps? 15 sec ?"
Charlos asks, "5: If you could brawl anyone in the Arena right now, who
would it be?"
Ogh says, "Hmm? Charlos would be good pick :)"
Charlos says, "hehe"
Charlos asks, "6: Which is yer favorite Super-group (PMF, LIFE, PTF..
etc.)?"
(Ogh sighs)
Ogh says, "Aah."
Ogh says, "Ogh never hunt with them"
Charlos asks, "but if you could hunt with one, which would it be?"
Ogh says, "Not sure."
Ogh says, "PTF perhaps."
Charlos asks, "7: If me an you fought em all in the Arena right now,
would we win?"
Ogh asks, "All groups against us both??"
Charlos says, "or just PTF"
Ogh says, "er? us die quickly :)"
Charlos says, "hehe"
Ogh exclaims, "Them be strong!"
Charlos asks, "8: How much Pathfinding training do you have?"
Ogh says, "No pathfinding"
Charlos asks, "9: Who's yer tailor?"
Ogh says, "erm?"
Ogh says, "No favorite tailor"
Ogh says, "Probably Koden"
Charlos asks, "10: Do you tip em, or are you a stingy bastard?"
Ogh asks, "Tailors need tips??"
Ogh says, "Ogh must be bastard then :)."
Charlos asks, "11: Is killing Tors bad luck?"
Ogh says, "No."
Ogh says, "It be good for berves."
Ogh says, "er, nerves"
Charlos says, "ah"
Charlos asks, "12: Have you ever read Fishwrap magazine?"
Ogh says, "Yes, Ogh try to read it"
Ogh says, "It be written too small, though."
Ogh says, "With difficult words"
Ogh says, "Ogh want zo version!."
Ogh exclaims, "With pictutres!"
Ogh exclaims, "With pictures!"
(Ogh calms down)
Charlos ponders, "note to editor: bigger print, smaller words,
pictures"
[Editor's note: try thoomcare.com, Ogh.
- Para]
Charlos asks, "13: What is more appealing: Beer gut, thoom gills or
mini-skirts?"
(Ogh grins)
Ogh says, "Mini-skirts be more exciting."
Charlos asks, "14: What do you think of Telemain's Loyalists?"
Ogh says, "Not much. But Emperor is no good, so?"
Ogh says, "Ogh probably don't like loyalists."
Charlos asks, "15: What's yer favorite source of exile news?"
Ogh says, "Hmm."
(Ogh thinks)
Ogh says, "Koric journal"
Ogh says, "then?"
Ogh says, "Clanlords.com"
Charlos asks, "they've got pictures?"
Ogh ponders, "when it work"
Ogh says, "Koric have pictures"
Ogh says, "Always go to nice places"
Ogh says, "Fishwrap is good for in-depth reviews, though."
Charlos asks, "16: Whose yer favorite bard?"
Ogh asks, "er, favorite bard?"
Ogh says, "Probably?"
(Ogh concentrates)
Ogh says, "Ack."
Ogh asks, "What be the name already?"
Ogh says, "A sylvan"
Ogh asks, "Xepel?"
Charlos asks, "Xepel?"
Ogh says, "Probably."
Charlos asks, "17: Got a favorite song they do?"
Ogh says, "Yes, 'duck' :)"
Charlos says, "hehe"
Ogh says, "Ooh, Baltok's chapel too."
Charlos says, "Yer exiled to *another* isle by yourself. You can take
one item you now possess with you."
Charlos asks, "18: What do you take?"
Ogh says, "Hmm."
(Ogh thinks hard)
Ogh says, "sunstone"
Charlos asks, "so you could talk to your friends?"
Ogh says, "Yes."
Charlos asks, "19: On a scale of 1-10, how painful was this interview?"
(Ogh smiles)
Ogh exclaims, "It be fun!"
Ogh says, "so? 3"
Charlos asks, "20: Any shout-outs?"
Ogh yells, "Oooga!!!"
Charlos says, "heh"
Ogh says, "It be Ogh favorite."
Charlos says, "22: Thanks for your time. This is your Dorf on the
street with Ogh for Fishwrap Magazine?"
(Ogh bows)
Charlos says, "thx Ogh"
You gave good karma to Ogh
Ogh exclaims, "Ogh thank!"
(Ogh feels important!)
Ogh says, "Charlos , arena fight now? ;P"
Charlos says, "hehe"
Ogh exclaims, "Yuk yuk yuk!"
Charlos yells, "DorfCare?!! We'll pass the fargin circle tests with
both beers tied behind our backs!"
#####
HOROSCOPES FOR EXILES
BY MAGPIE
Enba the Rat
While things in your life appear normal, there is something that will
greatly effect you soon. It is cloudy, but I see a large tattoo, a love
poem, and a roguewood club.
Elixus the Cat
A Sylvan bard will fall madly in love with you this zodiac. While that
sounds nice, it gets ugly when the lovesick musician shows their
emotion by following you around and playing the "Duck" song over and
over. And over and over...
Shaer the Healer
Worn out from a large keg fest in town, you will pass out from
exhaustion in the spirit wood. A dream of a long dark tunnel and a
flood of water will awake you with a start. You are even more shocked
to find yourself surrounded by spriggins who are chanting "One of us!
One of us!" Hey, don't blame me, it's your fortune, not mine. Just be
thankful I didn't mention the other part of your dream that had that
twisted thing about brambleberry curd and three Zo's (ick). As soon as
Puddleby develops psychiatry, I suggest you spend a few coppers getting
some help.
Oobiscus the Foxweir
Nothing. I see nothing. Oh sure, the usual will happen: hunting,
healing, scrying, falling. But other than that you are due for a very
boring zodiac. Jeez, man, do something different! But you'll have to
wait till NEXT zodiac to do it. Yep, not a damn thing.
Eghorus the Rooster
Those born under the Rooster will have a rough time of it at the Golden
Butterfly. Even Lundar will feel sorry for you after Jack Vintian gets
through with your purse. Get ready to sell come rouguewood clubs if you
want any coppers this zodiac.
Ina D'Xus the Warrior
A great surprise will await you this zodiac when the unknown seventh
Brion brother requests a meeting with you. You will gaze in awe upon
this brother known as "Elvisbrion" as he serenades you in Tenebrion's
audience chamber with swirling hips and a groove that would shake the
ethereal plane itself.
#####
Fishwrap Magazine is part of the ThoomCare Media Network.
Publisher and Editor: Paramedic
Senior reporters: Charlos, Jeanne, Norm, Odesseus
Roving reporters and contributors: Althea, Babajaga, Bones, Callia,
Deadmeat, Hellpop, Kirth Gersen, Koric, K'Pyn, Lundar, Monolith,
Perkusi, Sor, Sum, Tarf, Tyking II, Yor
A newspaper is only as good as its reporters, and we are always looking
for new stories. If you have news you think belongs in Fishwrap
Magazine, send Paramedic some mail (mailbox #1047) or email him at his
scroll:
http://www.geocities.com/Hollywood/Highrise/2084/
#####
You rise like a wave in the ocean
And you fall gently back to the sea
Now I want to know how to hold you
Return to me
You shine like the moon over water
And you darken the sky when you leave
Now I want to know how to keep you
Return to me
"Return to Me"
- October Project, "October Project"